


I Love You So Much (It Hurts)

by shiningning



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Huening Kai, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Choi Beomgyu, Hurt Huening Kai, M/M, Protective Choi Beomgyu, Soft Huening Kai, Whipped Choi Beomgyu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28555134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiningning/pseuds/shiningning
Summary: Loving Hueningkai is one of the things he does naturally even if it hurts sometimes.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	1. Doubts

Everything is well, but that was Beomgyu thought.

Without himself knowing, he's been staring at the oldest and youngest of their their team cuddling (flirting) on the sofa in the living room of their dorm. They're occupying the damn sofa and he had no choice but to watch the tv from the kitchen isle but instead of watching the movie, here he was, staring at the two.

The two has been more close these last few months. He's a bit sick of seeing Kai being so clingy with Soobin and now, with Yeonjun.

He's not jealous, of course not. (If he is, he won't admit it)

Lurking into twitter is not even helping to ease his mind. He thought he's been good at the maknae, caring about him, making sure he's not having a hard time, praising him and always looking at him fondly so he can't understand why he can only see people talking about how good are Tyunning, Sookai and Yeonkai's relationship.

What about him?

Is Beomgyu's not showing his affection enough? Can't they see how much he loves Kai? Even his mother from afar can tell how much he loves and cares about him.

Since at the time he read something like him and Kai being awkward towards each other, he's been bothered by it. Is his actions are not enough?

'Well, you're more closer off cam' someone's voice said on his mind.

Yes, they are but that's consists of Beomgyu making the first moves.

He's always trying to get Kai's attention.

Damn it.

Maybe, he gets up too loudly on the chair making the two guys on the sofa look at him.

"Can the two of you stop giggling? I'm trying to watch here."

Yeonjun and Kai looked at each other.

"Let's go to my room, then."

Beomgyu cursed mentally when Kai clings into Yeonjun and made their way to the eldest room.

Bloody hell.

+×+

Beomgyu raise his head from the pillow when Soobin and their shared room's door opened.

There, Kai's head pokes out.

"What brat?"

Kai grins and finally revealed his whole body.

His phone dramatically drops and he sat, looking at the maknae with wide eyes.

He's currently wearing the whole outfit he gave at Kai as a Christmas present.

He knows Kai looks good at everything but damn, he did great at buying these for him.

Kai crawls beside him and nuzzles his head on his shoulder.

"What's with you?"

"Just say I look great." Kai giggles.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just surprised. I'm expecting you to forget about that and pile them up with your unopen gifts."

Kai frowned at him.

"That's not true. I opened them all with Taehyun last month." Kai whines and sneaks his hand on Beomgyu's stomach.

He forced his body to lay again and he successfully brings the maknae with him.

"You're an adult now Kai-ya but you're still act like a baby. Well, you are my baby."

"My?"

Beomgyu paused.

"Our baby." He whispered but the youngest laughs at him.

"Why are you here by the way? Why you don't bother Soobin hyung or Yeonjun hyung? Maybe Taehyun too, he's your roommate."

Kai wrapped his arms tight on Beomgyu and shakes his head.

"I'm here to bother you."

"Whatever. I'm going to sleep."

If he slept with a smile on his lips, that's the brat's fault.

+×+

Beomgyu woke up and ready to see the youngest beautiful face when he's faced with a pillow. What is he even expecting?

He did his morning routine, grunting.

"Good morning, gyu." Soobin greeted when he entered the kitchen.

He was about to say something if he's not distracted by other two who seems not to notice his presence.

The two youngest are bestfriends. How can't he forget? Whenever Taehyun had the chance, he'll flaunt it so there's no reason to be annoyed seeing the two so close to each with Taehyun hugging the sleepy Kai.

Can they make breakfast in that way?

Beomgyu might not notice but Soobin did. The boy's scowling.

Soobin knows. Actually whoever knows Beomgyu well knows everything. Beomgyu is that friend who annoys and bullies you but however, he has soft spot for Kai.

Before, Soobin thought it was because they're a bit similar so Beomgyu understands the brat(Kai) but no, it's hard not to notice the loving eyes Beomgyu had for Kai even all the maknae did is something dumb and silly or the times he can see how flustered or smiling like an idiot is Beomgyu around Kai.

Some people might say, 'who doesn't? The maknae is just so lovely'. No. You can't understand. He can clearly see that Beomgyu's feelings for Kai is different from how the other feels. Now, guess who's jealous again.

"Beomgyu just make a move already." Soobin said the night Beomgyu finally didn't locked their shared room's door.

"Move for what?"

"You know I only see Kai as literal baby, right? Someday, you can kill me with your glares."

"What are you saying, hyung?" Beomgyu dumbly asked and stared at the upper bunk.

"Cut the crap, gyu. I know you like Kai."

That's it.

He likes Kai. Of course.

"Okay but he doesn't like me?"

There's that awful silence which means, maybe he's right.

Soobin was taken aback. It's not that he knows something. Kai can be open at the same time secretive so it's hard to guess because Kai is like that. He's unpredictable.

"What if he likes Yeonjun hyung? Hyung, they're both important to me but I can't confess my feelings with him. Honestly, I tried a few times but I really can't. And these days..."

Beomgyu sighs and close his eyes.

"These days what?"

"I've been thinking a lot of things which involves the two of us. Mostly like, am I expressing my feelings enough? Am I lacking? There's a lots of why's and the amount of Sookai and Yeonkai's shippers sprouting everyday is--- I'm sorry, hyung. It's not that--"

"I don't mind." He can almost hears Soobin's smiling.

"Hmm, what about think about it first? Kai is not going anywhere. Take it slow, gyu and... stop glaring. Kai might be oblivious but the others may be not."

Beomgyu closed his eyes and nodded to himself.

"Think about it." He mumbles.

/p


	2. Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hueningkai is sad and his hyungs are worried.

The first week of 2021 ended quickly and these past few days, something is bothering Beomgyu. Something is missing. Is he always sleeps a little longer that he misses something?

"Where's Hueningkai?" He heard Soobin asked as he walks towards the kitchen.

"He doesn't want to leave his bed, hyung." Taehyun sighs.

"Good morning." He greets, approaching the pack of cereals.

Suddenly, he whips his head to the three members who's eating silently.

"Did I hear Hueningkai's name? What's with him?"

"He's sad and I don't know why and you know that kid. He won't say anything even if you threaten his life." Taehyun answered.

"He still keep his problems to his self. I admire that but he's still so young. Why he's so mature?" Soobin looks really affected.

He took a breath and disregarded the cereals.

If there's someone who can understand Hueningkai, it's him. He's always been afraid that the maknae is just pretending to be a bright person and hiding a lot of burden inside. He knows that too well but the thing is, he can't even help his self so how can he help Hueningkai?

All he have to do is let the time passed until he can act okay. The members presence and words comforts him, of course but there's still those doubts and burdens deep inside him.

"Beomgyu? You okay?" Yeonjun squeezes his shoulder.

"I'm just really worried for Kai."

Hueningkai is their little sunshine and a walking serotonin they always need. Just thinking about the maknae being sad and crying broke their heart. Of course, they'll be affected.

"Maybe I can talk to him." 

"Yeah. Try that, Beomgyu." Yeonjun gave him a reassuring smile.

+×+

When he entered the maknaes room, he was expecting the youngest laying on his bed but he was sitting on it.

"Kai-ya?"

There's a slight panic on Kai's face before he hides his phone.

"B-Beomgyu hyung?" The maknae looks at him, surprised.

He's too focused on his phone that he didn't even heard the door's opening.

He inspects Hueningkai's face. There's no dry tears and his eyes are not red. He obviously didn't cry but his face, he looks down.

He pulled the chair and sat carefully.

"They told you?" Hueningkai asked softly.

"Even if they don't, I'll still noticed. The kitchen feels like it's lacking of light." He forced a laugh.

"I'm sorry." Hueningkai lowers his head and plays his fingers.

"Sorry? Why are you saying sorry?"

"I shouldn't act like this because it's affecting hyungs. I didn't mean to bother you. I always worry you guys. I'm such a burden."

Beomgyu's breath hitched when he saw the familiar tears he haven't seen for awhile. He immediately approached Hueningkai and kneeled beside his bed.

Hueningkai is crying. What the fuck. Whoever or whatever made him cry, he'll throw hands.

"Ssshhh, it's okay, baby. I'm here." He whispered and grabbed Hueningkai's hand.

Damn, maybe the 'baby' is too much. This is not the first time he called him that but this time, it feels different.

He lifts Hueningkai's head with his one hand and carefully wipe his tears like he's going to broke him if he does it wrong.

"You are never a burden, baby. Come to us, come to hyung. You don't have to say something. Just look into my eyes, I'll understand but even if I can't, I'll try."

Beomgyu want to hit himself when Hueningkai's frown deepens. He looks like he's gonna cry again.

"No. No. No. Don't cry baby. Ssshhh."

Beomgyu sat faster beside Hueningkai and pulled him into a tight hug.

He was a bit surprised when Kai hug him back like he's afraid he'll leave him.


	3. Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are both scared.

Beomgyu woke up when someone's snuggles closer to him.

It's heavy and warm but he likes it that way.

"What time is it?" He whispered.

"Almost 1pm." A voice faintly answered.

He opened his eyes and saw Taehyun's head from the top bunk of the bed.

He look at the boy beside him and smiled. An angel.

"We just ate an hour ago. There's a leftover but I can order you something if you want."

"Order Kai's favorites."

Taehyun smirked. Someone is so whipped.

"You totally hates all of his favorite foods."

"I'll just eat the leftovers."

"Okay, if that's what you want." Taehyun said and called Kai's favorite restaurant to order.

Meanwhile, Beomgyu brushes Kai's hair and proceed by caressing his soft cheeks.

Damn, he's too cute and pretty, it hurts. Is this even normal?

His hand stops when he saw Kai's brows twitching.

"Kai--"

"No. Please, stay."

Beomgyu was taken aback when Kai tightened his hold to his waist.

Is he having a nightmare? His hold is a bit tighter. He tried to hold Kai's hand but he shakes his head.

"Please, don't!"

"Kai, baby? Are you awake?"

Beomgyu hears Taehyun came down from the top bunk and approached the two.

"What is it?"

"I guess it's a bad dream."

"That's not okay. It's rare for him to have nightmares."

Beomgyu can't do anything but just rub the maknae's back and he seems to calm down a bit.

"Just what his problems? I'm afraid it's the same from the last."

Beomgyu look at Taehyun. Taehyun can tell that Beomgyu didn't like what he said.

"Sorry. I know we agreed that no one will bring that up anymore. I'm just worried."

"I swear to God. That can't happen again. It hurts me so much to see him suffer. It'll be hard this time."

Taehyun stares at Beomgyu. Of course, he's hurting too but that can't compare to Beomgyu and the boy he's holding tight.

+×+

Hueningkai woke up like nothing happened except from the fact that no words came out from his mouth. He ate with Beomgyu and it's hard not to noticed the suffocating atmosphere.

The maknae has been refusing to look at Beomgyu's eyes. 

If Beomgyu saw Kai entered Yeonjun's room, he has nothing to say about that.

"Hueningie, you can't do this. Please speak to hyung. Just say something. Even it's just one." Yeonjun persuaded the boy who was clinging to him like a koala.

"One." The youngest said.

If it's not the situation, Yeonjun will surely glared at him but instead, he rubbed his belly and kissed his hair.

"Good boy."

This time, Hueningkai can't stop himself from giggling.

"Seriously, Hueningie. What's inside this pretty little head of yours, huh? You can say vague words, I won't ask furthermore."

Hueningkai plays with Yeonjun's bedsheets and frowns.

"I'm afraid."

"Afraid from what?"

"You said you won't ask." The youngest whined.

"Atleast make it 3-4 sentences?" 

Hueningkai huffed.

"I just realized how much I love Beomgyu hyung."

Yeonjun expected the younger blushing but when he looked down, he looks more sad and terrified.

What in the hell is this kid thinking? 

"I'm not surprised about your feelings with Beomgyu but why are you even afraid, ning? We won't judge you in this household."

They don't really talk about or say 'hey I'm gay' to each other since then but Yeonjun always thought that there's that silent agreement that no one in their group was straight.

"That's not it, hyung. It's just me and my what ifs. What if moas will find out? What will they say? What if they won't accept me?"

Yeonjun cradles Hueningkai's face and stared into his eyes.

"Hueningie, real moas will love and accept you for who you really are. If they won't like you, just let God take care of them. We don't need those terrible people. We just want you to be happy, sweetheart." Yeonjun pulled Hueningkai into a hug. He can't stare at him for longer. He might cry until tomorrow.

"But what if Beomgyu hyung doesn't love me?"

Yeonjun sighs.

"I'll make him love you."

He laughs when Kai pinches him.

"Trust me. He feels the same way."

+×+

When Yeonjun left his room, Soobin was leaning on the wall.

"Is he okay?" 

He closed the door before facing Soobin. It's already midnight but the dark circles on his eyes tells that he played games in his computer again.

"Don't we have schedule tomorrow?"

Soobin sighs. He know this.

-

"He's inlove with Beomgyu. Poor baby. Too afraid at this world." Yeonjun mumbles before taking a sip at his beer can.

He looked at Soobin when he didn't say anything.

"Hyung, did you invite me to drink because of that?"

Yeonjun's shoulders drop. 

Maybe...

"No. I just want to drink." he lied.

Soobin chuckled and leaned to the table.

"I already know. Since before we debuted."

Yeonjun widened his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when they both didn't passed that one dance evaluation? That's when they both totally fell with each other. The moment Kai first forgot our monthly tradition(staying overnight at Kai or Soobin's house), I just know I lost."

Yeonjun stared at Soobin. 

When their group finally built and they became closer, Yeonjun can already tell that Kai has that spot on Soobin's heart. Although, since then, Soobin already admitted his unrequited love and surrendered. He never expected more than that. He's just contented seeing Kai happy because he deserves it. It always breaks his heart whenever Kai cries in their trainee days.

"You still love him, huh?" Yeonjun scoffs but soobin just smiled and played with the can.

"It's hard to unlove him but just like I said before, I never expect him to love me back. I'm happy if he's happy. In fact, I'm very happy atleast I know Beomgyu loves him so much."

Yeonjun sighs. Soobin's smiles are genuine. He can't never understand why he's not hurting. Honestly, Soobin cried the first time he told him his feelings with Kai but that's just once. He never cried again. Seems like he's really content with everything.

"Don't pity me hyung. Kai has always that special spot. I'm not hurt or anything. It's just that I never found someone new so I just continue to love him from afar. I'll fall out of love too. I believe in faith and destiny."

The eldest shakes his head.

"Fvcking love."

"So, what's with Kai now?" Soobin finally drink at his beer.

"He said he'll think about it when will he confess. I really admire that kid. He always surprise me." 

+×+

Beomgyu startled when the moment he opened his eyes, he saw the person on his dream.

'Kai? What is he doing here?'

The way Kai wrapped his arms on him, he must be here for too long. The messy hair and the mark on his cheek indicates he's sleeping well.

"If you're wondering, it's already 11. He's here since 3 or 4. He came here saying you're on his nightmares." Soobin groggily said at his bunk.

Beomgyu sniffles.

There's that faint smell of beer.

"Did you drink something last night, hyung?" Beomgyu asked in a soft voice and caress the youngest face.

"Yeah and we talked about how coward you are."

Beomgyu look up at Soobin's bunk and glared.

"What the hell?"

"Just saying you should confess soon or maybe just express your love openly. I'll personally ask the two to hangout outside so you can talk peacefully."

"Hyung, you don't need to do that and I'm not... ready."

"You're right. Sorry. I must be still drunk."

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language but I'm still trying (•‿•)
> 
> This is not really sad. I just can't think of a great title •́ ‿ ,•̀ I just want to write Beomkai


End file.
